Painful Musings

I am sitting here at a friend's table finally updating my blog.

I have to say, "I am Tired!!" "
Tired of what?" you ask. I am tired of listening to people tell me how to be! It seems lately that everyone is putting their two cents worth in about how I need to improve. I am well and truly fed up!!
I know this sounds like the beggingings of a pity party, well I don't care I need to vent! So pull up a chair and join in, if you'd like.

What is it with our fellowmen who feel the need to change us, and offer advice (in love of course) on how we need to change or what we need to be? I feel like I am the scum of the earth at the moment all because of what people have said to me, about myself.

In the last couple of weeks I have been told that I am selfish, stubborn, arrogant, that my views are simplistic, my language skills need improving and on and on the list goes.
These thing hurt, and when I try to defend myself, or say I don't agree, then I am accused of not being teachable like the Bible calls me to be. If I retreat to lick my wounds and regroup, I get asked why I am so offended, why I am so upset. (hhmm I wonder?)

On the other hand I am also told that I fight too hard, work too much, that I don't know how to just be me, that I try too hard and I don't ask for help or let people in and that I need to just relax and breathe.

What the heck do people want from me??? I know I have faults, (huge ones) but don't people see that I am working on them, that I long to be more like Christ. I guess not!

I have to wonder if in the past I have been this brutal with others and if I am in fact recieving a taste of my own medicine...some would call this Karama...except I don't believe in that.

I am just like everyone else that wants to be loved and liked by people...but I want to be loved and liked without the advice, I want to be liked "Just the way I am" as Mr Darcy so famously says to Bridget Jones.
I guess the solution is balance. I need to weigh up the validity of these people's observations and fix what needs it and disreguard the rest of it.
But even more then that I need to go to God and let him be my yard stick.

So there you have it, an updated blog of painful musings!

Narnia...A Fantasy Apologetic

I just finished watching Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, it is a great story. It is just as spell-bounding today as when C.S Lewis penned it in 1950.
But it got me thinking as I watched the movie for the umpteenth time, how could this be used in an apologetic situation? Then it hit me, Mr Tumas says to Lucy at the end of the movie, "he is not a tame lion." Lucy agrees but then goes on to say, "He is not tame lion but he is Good."(Mr Beever says it in the book) Well I think that is is just such a profound statement! One that can be utilised in apologetic situation.
Aslan is a representation of God, and this is something that we, both non-Chistian and Christian alike, need to rediscover. That God is not tame, we cannot fit him into our worlds, concepts, ideas, or lives, he will not be forced our told how to fit into our carefully constructed boxes. God is to infinite for that. But just because we can't control him, doesn't mean he is not good. God is good, but he is not tame!
I think if we can awaken people to the idea that God is good and that he wants the very best for us. That he has even gone and cut the cords of death itself, that we might have life. But that he is more powerful then life and death itself, then we might get a response.
Why?
Because people love a story. They love that good guy who is brave and true, who will save the day no matter the cost to himself. But have you also noticed in movies and books that the good guys like Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker, Harry Potter, Superman, Batman, and so on, that they cannot be caught captured or held down for very long. Heroes can't be bent to someone else's will. There goodness and their love for what is right, makes them un-tamable. But that's what makes them awesome! If they were tamable and could be captured and won over to the dark-side...what kind heroes would they be and what kind of story would that make for? Not a very good one in my humble opinion!
If we can understand that concept for heroes, why can't we relate that concept back to God? He is writing The Story, (and it is a story even though its true) and he is the ultimate good guy.

Apologetics and Joel Osteen.

I just finished reading my eleventh Apolegetics lecture titled, 'I am a New Ager." It was quite interesting to say the least.

I really liked the observation that it makes between the New Age movement and some teaching in the church that focus on Positive Thinking and Name it and Claim it doctrines. I was once told by a lady that I worked for, that if I just believed, I'd be healed from my disability. To say that it hit at a vunerable spot is an understament.

This bring s me to Joel Osteen, I have read his book 'Your Best Life Now' it is what my Mother coined as fluff, theological fairy floss. Easy to swallow at first, but you'll end up with a belly ache if you eat too much!! I read it until it talked about how his mother was healed from liver cancer by claiming healing in the power of the Spirit. Joel said that everyone could have healing if they just trusted enough, well my mother died from cancer even though she continued to trust God. I am not saying that God can't do all things, he can, but sometimes his thoughts are not ours.

The reason I think that so many people are caught up in it, is because it is easy! Just believe and you'll have it. In a way it is trying to bend God to our will...except God is to wild and untamable to go along with that. It treats God like a wish granter, I'm sorry people, but I don't want the genie from 'Aladdin' as my God. I want a relationship with the Creator of the universe, one where because of love, God chooses to limit himself and engage with me.

New Ages to their credit, I think, want to find the truth and engage in a deep and meaningful spiritual relationship, they're just not sure who with. This is where Apologists come in! We can introduce them to the true divine Christ, Jesus.
What a privilage!

I'm Giving Up, Letting Go and Trustig God...

Fine! I admit it! I have a problem! I need help! Isn't that what your supposed to do to start the process of getting over an addiction, admit that you have a problem and that you need help?
Well I would like to admit to the realms of cyber space, (which actually amounts to not many people) that I, Shannon, am a control freak! I am addicted to control!

I like to be in control of my life, of my destiny, and what I do! I hate it when I don't get my way, in my life. It really and truly drives me nuts. This may come as a shock to some, but it's totally true.
Now I know that we look on control as a good thing, most of the time. But there are times that it causes much pain and heartache.
I have been trying for the last 12 weeks, (since the beginning of the year started), to tell God what to do! I know it is laughable really...telling the creator of Heaven and Earth, not too mention me, what to do. All because I am addicted to control.
I have wrestled, fought, begged, cried, argued and basically exhausted myself trying to get God doing what I wanted God to do. Until last night. I sat sobbing in the shower, because I was so sick of fighting and landing face first in the mud, of getting nowhere.

So I am Giving Up, Letting and Trusting God...and this makes me immediately want to take back control, why? because of fear! Letting God have control is a truly scary prospect! He might ask more of me then I want to give, he might leave or abandon me...all these thoughts fire through my mind like poisin darts. Poisin is exactly what they are, sent straight from the evil one, Satan, not God!

God has promised through out scripture that he would never do either of these thing. In Hebrews 13:5 it says, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." It also says in 1 Corinthians 13:10, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
So I am choosing to not fear, but to Give Up, Let Go, and Trust God, because he loves me and has my beast intrest at heart.

The Seventh Seal...What the?

Because I am a good student, when Glen, my apologetics lecturer, asked me to watch a film called, The Seventh Seal, I did.
Well I must say, it was interesting.
It is well known that Glen is a movie buff, and that his tastes are quite a bit more eclectic and cultured then mine, and unfortunatley, The Seventh Seal, was no eception to this rule.
I struggled to really understand the deeper meanings and subplot of this film and trust me I tried, valiantly, but without much success.

That is not to say that I didn't gain anything from, this off-beat foreign film. Alas, the theme that death comes to all, whether they believe in God, or not came through loud and clear. Also that death is a cheater and does not play fair caught my attention too. An I was saddend by the bad wrap that Christianity recieved, making it out to be santimoanious and dourer, no joy to be found whatsoever. Only hearing and seeing Jesus on the Cross, never hearing about his resurrection, or that he went to the cross because his chose to out of love for us...very one sided.

As I sit and write, the question also comes to mind...why is death always portrayed as bad? Death and grief can be our friends! In western culture we live as though we're never going to die. Which I think is a shame, because it gives the wrong perspective and motive for life. What if we changed our thoughts and said, "I am going to live, to die..." This means that we won't stive to get and gain, but instead, we want to give and love, which is so much better, I think so anyway. There is mercy, healing and a new beginning in death...if we believe in Father, Son and Holy Spirit. If not we have right and wisdom like the Knight in the Seventh Seal, Antonious Block, to fear and ask questions regarding life and especially death, because it will eventually catch up with us all, whether we are ready, or not, no question about it!

My friend Bob the skeptic...we're great mates.

Well as part of my requirements for Apologetics, I took a gander at the Apologetics blog on the Kingsley College website, and became interested in the arguments that Bob the skeptic put forward.

At one point Bob asks, "All I’m sayin’ is that if nature proves God because it’s so wonderful and all, why couldn't the man upstairs have done a better job of it?"

This is a valid question, one that I have asked often before, as someone that suffers with cerebral palsy, I want to know what went wrong, just like Bob!

You see Bob that's just the thing, something went oh so very wrong. Genesis 3 gives us a glimpse, verses 1 to 7 in particular,

"Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"
The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' "
"You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Now I know what your thinking! So women are the cause of all this trouble? No, that's not what I am stating at all! What I am saying, is that what God made perfect for all his children to enjoy, they chose to reject. Which led to the downfall of creation, humanity and all that those things encompass, this rejection led to death. It is like if you give a gift to one of your children, they can either reject it, or accept it, Adam and Eve chose the former. They chose to disobey God and sin, and so do we, everyday.
This means that my mother died from cancer and why I have Cerebral Palsy, it means that children that are innocent die from cancer and people do horrid things, because we as descendants of Adam and Eve are directly affected, whether we ate the apple, or not.

Oh and by the way, I am not so prideful as to think that I wouldn't have taken that apple, if it had been me in the garden, I like knowledge and power just as much as the next person.

So what went wrong? Nothing that God did, and everything that humanity did.

Now I wouldn't blame you Bob, if you followed my long winded answer, to your question, by asking, "If that is the case, why doesn't he fix it?"
Well he has, it just doesn't look like what we humans think it should. Bare with me as I explain.
God loves us so much, and wants us to freely love and worship him in return, so instead of clicking his thumbs and taking our freedom to choose to love him, which is what would have to happen for God to make things perfect the way that humans want, God chose another way, a far more exciting and fantastic way....He died!! Scandalous isn't it?

God the Father, sent Jesus Christ, his very own son to die. Jesus who is God incarnate, chose to humble himself and die in our place, on the cross. Jesus lived a fully sinless life, as a human, yes he is God and he had the power to do whatever, but he limited himself for our sake and didn't sin even though he was tempted.
This means that we can again choose to have a relationship with God, because Jesus took our sins upon himself.

The thing is, it doesn't end there, that would be universalism. My lecturer told me that is wrong and after much thought I agree. We don't recieve forgiveness until we ask for it. We still have a choice to make! Bob, you might be a lovely person, in fact, of that I have no doubt. But it is not enough to get you to heaven...sorry, I didn't make the rules. God can only accept people without sin into heaven, we cannot get their on our own efforts. We are sinners because of what we call inherency. Because we are an offspring of Adam and Eve, we inherited their sinful make-up. Not that we don't sin in other ways, we do, bad thoughts, speaking harshly to people when we're angry....the list is endless, but the point is, even if we never sinned we'd still be guilty because of our sinfil nature inherited from Adam and Eve. (They commited a real doosy)

Bob, your wife will tell you that it only takes one bad egg to ruin an omelet, well it only took one bite to ruin what God made good, and one sin makes us flawed.

To be made clean again we must be willing to realise that God is god, and he is deserving of our worship and love, then we acknowedge our sins, humble ourselves and ask Jesus to forgive us and turn and follow him with the help of the Holy Spirit, who was sent by Jesus to help us walk with him.

So Bob, thanks for being a skeptic, it helps me get things straight in my mind, and hopefully some of my gibberish helped you too!

Choosing...Mother's Day

Well as most of us know, it is Mother's Day on Sunday, and I must say that its not a holiday I relish anymore. Why you ask? Well it makes me long for my Mother...who died 15 months ago today.

Now you're probably wondering why I started my entry in such a depressing way? Well I have come to the conclusion that Mothers Day doesn't have to be a day of grief and loss, it can be a day of Joy, Rememberence and Hope, if I choose to view it that way.

On Sunday I am going to choose to remeber the absolutley terrific person Linda was. The ways that she made me laugh, her georgeous voice when she sang in Church...the favorite meals she made for me when I came home to visit, her smile and twinkling brown eyes. I will also remeber the advice she gave, things like, put God first, a job worth doing, is worth doing right, and anyone can be a friend.

I will have joy simply because I was blessed to have Linda in my life and that she chose me to be her daughter....(I was a foster kid), it's not often one gets to be chosen by one so special.

But more than that I have hope. Hope that one day that I'll be a mother to a daughter, and that my child will also learn the same lessons from me, that I was taught by my mother. My most precious hope however, lies in the promise that my mother and I will meet again in the presence of the Heavenly Father.

What a reunion that'll be!!!

So I am choosing to make Sunday a day of rememberance, joy and hope!