Fine! I admit it! I have a problem! I need help! Isn't that what your supposed to do to start the process of getting over an addiction, admit that you have a problem and that you need help?
Well I would like to admit to the realms of cyber space, (which actually amounts to not many people) that I, Shannon, am a control freak! I am addicted to control!
I like to be in control of my life, of my destiny, and what I do! I hate it when I don't get my way, in my life. It really and truly drives me nuts. This may come as a shock to some, but it's totally true.
Now I know that we look on control as a good thing, most of the time. But there are times that it causes much pain and heartache.
I have been trying for the last 12 weeks, (since the beginning of the year started), to tell God what to do! I know it is laughable really...telling the creator of Heaven and Earth, not too mention me, what to do. All because I am addicted to control.
I have wrestled, fought, begged, cried, argued and basically exhausted myself trying to get God doing what I wanted God to do. Until last night. I sat sobbing in the shower, because I was so sick of fighting and landing face first in the mud, of getting nowhere.
So I am Giving Up, Letting and Trusting God...and this makes me immediately want to take back control, why? because of fear! Letting God have control is a truly scary prospect! He might ask more of me then I want to give, he might leave or abandon me...all these thoughts fire through my mind like poisin darts. Poisin is exactly what they are, sent straight from the evil one, Satan, not God!
God has promised through out scripture that he would never do either of these thing. In Hebrews 13:5 it says, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." It also says in 1 Corinthians 13:10, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
So I am choosing to not fear, but to Give Up, Let Go, and Trust God, because he loves me and has my beast intrest at heart.
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